I DON'T KNOW

Its so late and obviously I'm still awake. Grades will be posted tomorrow evening at UST's website. Hopefully I'll get fair grades (ok hopefully Ill get passing grades). So what if I don't? Sigh. The more I think about it, the more devastated I get. Well I do really want to get straight uno's but something had stricken me just a while ago.

For the nth time, is this what I really wanted? Ok, so what if I get those straight uno's I've been dreaming of, will it make a big difference? I was never good in numbers (yea I know that from the moment I've been trying to learn how to divide), but why did I ever chose this path?

I envy those people who knows and gets what they want in life. You see I am never what you see in photos or what you see in person. I am more than a talkative girl who doesn't wear pants because her mom told her not to do so. I am more than this internet blogging freak who stays up late just to post lame stuffs on the web. I never take things seriously like for example I've posted this I am gonna be anorexic thing, months have already passed but I haven't even lost a pound. I never really get everything I want, and I don't really know what I wanted in life (well that was before), but I made it clear during my graduation day that I never wanted to see journals nor worksheets ever.

But things have changed and I know now what career really suits me. I know its what all girls wanted but blimey I wanted this more than any girl could ever imagine how much she wanted this. Lets just get to the point I wanted to be a designer. A well travelled designer. I wanted to draw and create beautiful things. How is that possible? Drawing pads look far different from worksheets. Sewing machines work differently from a calculator. Models are smaller than skyscrapers. So does that mean THIS is really where I should be and that I should stop my hallucinations? I guess the answer is still I DON't KNOW